Men are hard-wired for visual stimuli. In this Internet age, we are literally a click away from seeing pretty much anything our hearts desire (and there are some sick hearts out there). It has also been noted that when men gaze on pornographic images, the chemical released in our brains is like heroin — no wonder this problem has reached epidemic proportions.
I hate to admit it, but I have struggled with this too. Given my childhood of (witnessed) sexual abuse, I should know better. I am well aware that 80% of the women in the porn industry were sexually abused as children. Yet when that URGE comes round, such knowledge becomes moot. How often does the Bible state that a man’s eyes are never satisfied? Nor his appetite. I’m sure, had I lived in Biblical times, I would loved to have sat around with my fellow disciples and supped with my Master … when, of course, I wasn’t sneaking off to Herod’s Court to watch Salomé dance. Ironic, huh? Just being honest.
One of the most beautiful girls I’ve seen on the internet is Crissy Moran (pictured above). Born in December ’75, raised in Jacksonville, Florida, her early childhood was relatively happy. Her family was Christian, her father a pastor. Crissy loved God, and invited Him into her heart when she was just 11-years-old. Then her father, the good Reverend, began drinking. Then his drinking buddies began to frequent their home. Then a few of them began to take notice of pretty little Christina. Then … well, use your imagination. It’s not pretty. Repeatedly molested since she was five, constantly threatened by her mentally unbalanced, alcoholic preacher father, Crissy (like many girls) grew up with a distorted views on love, self-worth, and sexuality (not to mention God).
By the time she was in her 20s and involved in online dating, photographers began to notice the stunningly beautiful woman with the sweet demeanor and little girl voice. Offering her money, glamour, exposure, a world-wide audience, and an ego-boost (Crissy thought she was ugly), she reluctantly accepted. Starting with simple bikini shoots, and moving on quickly to more soft-core material, Crissy rapidly became one of the most popular girls on the Internet. The allure of more money and approval gave way to more explicit sessions, multiple partners, hardcore videos, and still her (porn) star was on the rise.
And yet, it was noticed by many (or at least those with a conscience) that the look in this lovely girl’s eyes was rather … vacuous. Empty. Troubled. Wrought with turmoil.
After multiple suicide attempts, and years of emotional and physical abuse by boyfriends in the industry, Crissy finally had a crisis of conscience which led her back to God. Through the help and support of new friends, Crissy Moran left the porn industry on October 6, 2006! The courageousness of this little lady in standing up to, and breaking contracts with, not-exactly-sympathetic pornographers, some of whom made a lot of money off her, astounds me! Some of those new friends include XXXChurch.com, an online Christian site which deals openly and non-judgmentally about this “dirty little secret.” And Shelley Lubben, another former porn star who turned her life over to God and is actively involved in helping those in the industry get out.
Crissy has had an uphill battle ever since leaving porn. Thousands of pictures of her are all over the ‘net, and her “Official Website” is still up and running, though Crissy recieves NO proceeds from it. She signed a contract in 2004, which gives her former webmaster the right to keep it up until 2009, posting pictures and writing new (bogus) content supposedly from Crissy herself.
A view of her MySpace Page gives one pause — she has had hundreds of thousands of visitors to this site, from all over the world, most of whom only know her from her previous profession. How does Crissy respond? Compassionately. Honestly. With her moving testimony and obvious love for the Lord, she has turned a nightmare into ministry, ashes into beauty. That she is so forthcoming and vulnerable to those who feasted on her physical wiles, offering heartbreakingly graphic examples of the destructiveness of porn for ALL involved, speaks volumes about the Power which saved her.
(A brief personal note: In no way do I believe ALL nudity is pornography. But perhaps I’ll save that argument for another post.)
Crissy is presently working with Treasures, a non-profit organization that goes into strip clubs and gives the girls gift baskets and a little card letting them know they are loved. Crissy states: “If it weren’t for people reminding me that God loved me while I was in pornography, I would still be involved. So I see this mission as being an amazing opportunity to share His love with others who may have never even heard. A lot of these women’s lives are much like my own – sexual abuse, physical abuse, broken families, and drugs. I know I would do or try anything to fill that empty spot in my heart. I have a heart that has been broken so many times but through Christ’s redemption has been made whole. The periods of darkness and sin have only served to show me the depths of His love. I experience His love so radiantly. It’s the love of a Father who will never leave or forsake me. It is the love I have been searching for all of my life.”
She reminds me of Mary Magdelene, the wayward woman out of whom Jesus cast out seven demons, and who was important enough that she was the first person to whom Jesus appeared after His resurrection. And of the prostitute who washed Jesus’ feet with her tears, and dried them with her hair. Jesus was severely criticized for allowing such a sinful woman to do this, but He put His reputation on the line to defend her.
God still works miracles. Ask Crissy Moran. Brave girl.
You can read the follow-up to this story by clicking here.