1) Joe Dante’s original 1978 Piranha was a low-budget, Roger Corman-produced, John Sayles-penned, affectionately silly, Jaws spoof that worked on a guttural level while providing a treasure trove of film-buff in-references.

2) 1981’s Piranha 2: The Spawning is, oddly enough, the directorial debut of James Cameron – who three years later would go onto write and direct The Terminator.  Cameron was originally hired to do the special effects, but took over direction after the original director was fired.  Most concede that the film is a stinker, but agree that the fault does not lie with the future Titanic/Avatar director.  Cameron himself has jokingly referred to the film as "the finest flying killer fish horror/comedy ever made."

3) The trailer for 2010’s Piranha 3-D won me over with its cast alone.  To see Christopher Lloyd on the big screen for the first time in years (overdramatizing lines like “This particular piranha vanished two million years ago!”), and Richard Dreyfuss spoofing his Matt Hooper character from Jaws … were reason enough for me to check out this film.  More about those two legends in a bit.

Director Alexandre Aja (Haute Tension, The Hills Have Eyes, Mirrors) thankfully more than gets the joke of this movie.  In fact – and quite ironically – most critics agree that this could be one of the most entertaining films of a rather lackluster summer.  (Don’t take my word for it – it currently has an 82% approval rating over at Rotten Tomatoes.)

The story couldn’t be less complicated.  The town of Lake Victoria, Arizona is generally pretty quiet – but once a year the population explodes when 20,000 college kids arrive for Spring Break.  This spring, however, an underwater earthquake opens a huge fissure which releases thousands of mutant piranha who couldn’t be more pleased with the virtual smorgasbord swimming above.  Sheriff Julie Forester (Elisabeth Shue) and Deputy Fallon (Ving Rhames) do their best to keep the inebriated, and barely dressed populace safe, but … by the time the furious fishies show up, it is pretty much a lost cause.  When, in this film’s final third, the carnage reaches its bloody beach zenith, its damn near Saving Private Ryan, in 3-D, on acid, with boobs.  Lots of boobs.

Often when one uses phrases like gratuitous, excessive, over-the-top, in-your-face, needlessly violent, and without a moral center, these would be considered criticisms.  However, the joke of this one joke movie is so damn funny, and is pulled off with such expertise, those aforementioned phrases are this film’s strengths … along with some hilarious in-jokes … and clever cameos … and pointed barbs … and decent special effects … and boobs.

KELLY BROOK AND RILEY STEELE ARE WILD, WILD GIRLS

Speaking of those last, Jerry O’Connell plays Derrick Jones, the producer of Wild, Wild, Girls (such an obvious spoof of Girls Gone Wild and its creator Joe Francis, that Francis is suing the movie’s producers for "libel-in-fiction").  O’Connell’s characterization is so sleazy and high strung, he seems to be doing a riff on his Jerry Macguire costar Tom Cruise.  While this character is truly a scumbag, the movie does revel awhile in his mammarial excesses (to put it mildly), but eventually serves up his just desserts in manner so ridiculously over-the-top and in-your-face as to be jaw-dropping – before you can say, “Oh, no they di-in’t,” oh yes, they di-id.  English actress/model Kelly Brook plays one of Derrick’s Wild Girls and, though she is little more than eye candy here, she does add to this movie’s charm.  Director Eli Roth (Hostel) shows up as the emcee of a wet tee-shirt contest, and also gets turned into fish bait.

Elisabeth Shue and Ving Rhames do fine (if undistinguished) work here – it’s good to see both of them on screen again. If the film has a hero, it is probably Jake Forester (Steven R. McQueen – Steve’s grandson), who plays the sheriff’s son.  While the kid does have talent and charisma, he’s got a long way to go before he can hope to fill his grandfather’s shoes.

Regarding those two aforementioned cameos … this film’s opening had me grinning before the credits even appeared.  I don’t want to give away too much, suffice to say that Richard Dreyfuss’ appearance in this film DOES pay hilarious homage to Jaws, and that his role here is not unlike Drew Barrymore’s in Scream.  Producer Bob Weinstein reportedly had to cajole the actor with a bigger paycheck to get him to agree to do this, but the result sets a pitch perfect tone for such a giddy spoof of Jaws.

RICHARD DREYFUSS NEEDS A BIGGER BOAT

Christopher Lloyd, who seems to have been gone from our movie screens for ages, makes a more-than-welcome return as a scientist who offers exposition and explanations.  He isn’t given a lot to do, but he plays it so gleefully broad, I kept expecting an arm-waving exclamation of “Great Scott!”  When Mr. Lloyd first appeared on screen, the audience with whom I saw this picture literally cheered!  Would somebody declare Christopher Lloyd a national treasure already?  Why isn’t he given more work?  Why has he been demoted to doing direct-to-video offal?  From his appearances in One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, Taxi, Star Trek III, the Back to the Future trilogy, Roger Rabbit, and The Addams Family movies, to name only a few, the guy has entertained us for decades.  His appearance here makes an already entertaining film, very entertaining.

To wrap up, while Piranha 3-D will not be nominated come Oscar season, this movie was WAY better than it had any right to be.  Even the 3-D, converted from 2-D, was not too shabby.  (There will always be a vast difference between films shot in 3-D, like Avatar, and transferred, often horribly, like Clash of the Titans – this falls somewhere in the middle.)  For fans of exploitation spoofs, you won’t do much better this season than Piranha 3-D … I never thought I would say such a thing, but it gives me great pleasure to do so.

GRADE B+

My next book signing will be on Thursday August 26th, 2010, 6:30 pm at:

Clear Creek Books
1200 Washington Ave
Golden, Colorado 80401
303-278-4593

If you are in the area, please stop in, say hello, and pick up a signed copy – I’d love to see you there.

It doesn’t look very different, but TheWordslinger went through a major platform overhaul recently, so hopefully things are running smoother on this site.  For those interested, I also made some changes to my About Andy page.

Over the past 2 1/2 years, this site has had over 150,000 visitors, and is going stronger all the time.  Thanks to all of you who keep coming back.

It is rather daunting going into the promotion stage for this novel of mine, but I am also very excited.  I will keep you updated as more book signings are scheduled, as well as post some photos from the one coming up on the 26th.

Thanks again and – as always – don’t take any shit from anybody!